Thursday, December 31, 2009

The year of change

I find myself in front of my computer about the same time each year just reminiscing about the overall year. 2009 started off rocky and fragile, but is finally ending with a BIG BANG!

Tonight I read what I've wrote for the past 4 years!! It's amazing how dramatically my life and attitude changed over that time span. The last 2 post were a real wake up call. As I read them I couldnt help but wonder WTF was I thinking? It became crystal clear why and how things went downhill. I finally understand what my friends on the outside looking in were talking about.

John Maxwell said it best "you are where you are in life, because that is where you deserve to be.". As I look back at this past year I am saddened by the realization that the people I cared for and called friends were helping me self destruct, but I am also grateful that I finally realized there needed to be a definite change in my life and took the necessary steps to fix it. Granted I haven't reached all the goals I set up for myself this year, but atleast now I remember what they are, and I'm working my way towards it.

I feel like a better version of the old Jenny. The happier, excited about life, person I was about 3 years ago. I don't know how or when exactly that part of me died and the negative things happened but I'm glad it's over and done with. Although I can not pinpoint the exact moment that I lost myself, I do know over the past 3 years I've been trying to find my way back. It took a long time for me to see the clear picture, but I will be the first to admit I'm hardheaded and when I set my mind to do something, I WILL!!

I find that it's true. The people you associate yourself with will affect the person you become. By removing myself from the negative people, I am no longer just saying "I want to be happy" but I am genuinely happy.

So 2009 will be remembered as the year of change. The year that I hit rock bottom and had nowhere else to go but up. The year my life turned around for the better :)

With that being said I know 2010 will be my year.

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